Thursday, April 11, 2002

I get this feeling that I sometimes cant express myself to people.

I get this feeling that people wont express things to me either.

Why is it that communication is key and to have it takes “balls”?

I wanna be able to look at people and say what I want to say, grab them and tell them how they are, and protect them. I don’t know all
the answers but when you are an outsider looking in you see things differently.
To confront some people is like a bad sitcom and it turns out being that you are saying whatever to hurt them and they don’t want to hear it.

Its not that at all.

I just don’t want to see things turn out for the worst.

I want to nip it in the bud.
I want things to be like before.

Is that a lot for me to ask?

It may be a bit selfish, but things seemed fine then…
…now there ok, but im worried.

Wednesday, April 10, 2002

Well now that this crap* is done, I have bigger things to worry about.

Well I think I found housing and this is a good thing, b/c im in LOVE with the apartment!
Sharon and I looked at almost 10 places and this one kicked us in the ass.
I could tell that we both liked it the minute walked into it.
…now we sit back and wait for mark** to call us back.

I wonder if its me…

I wonder if im the one that has this problem…

Could it be me…

If its me, will I be willing to really admit it…

Am I admitting it now…

Am I the jealous type? Do I need all the attention when people are around? Its weird when you always have someone in your life that is so independent and one to never have someone around, and all of a sudden there attached at the hip to someone that you would never expect.

I hate it, it drives me crazy that this bothers me, I know I should be happy for the person, its obvious that they’ve always wanted this, but I let it bother me.

What sucks even more is that I don’t know how to confront it,

Do I confront it?

Will I be just a selfish friend that wants everyone to put me first?

Is this the reason for the loss of many of my friends? People that at one point or another I considered close friends and now are just distant acquaintances?

I need to do something about this, its something that I need to nip in the bud.

Something that needs to be handled ASAP.

*not literally
**our future landlord***
***god we hope (pray for us)