Thursday, February 14, 2002

So today is valentines day and this is worse then Christmas in my eyes. …it has nothing to do with “being” w/ someone, I am and all that, but the whole “for lovers” makes me think that the world is as superficial as I make it out to be in my head.

Whats wrong w/ me, I cant think straight lately, I have so much shit on my mind that at times I think im going to explode and its driving me crazy (as it would to anyone). Everyone is on my last nerve and I cant even talk to anyone up here about it. The people that I would normally go to and spew out all my life troubles are the people that are driving me up the wall the most. I cant really figure it out too well, most of the time these are the people that I turn to with a large coffee and see what they have to say.

I didn’t think it was such a big deal, I didn’t think people were on to the fact that this has been something that is bothering me, but I guess they are. More then one person has come to me and said something.

Funny b/c I thought I was doing a good job holding it all in, and losing sleep over it and building on my ulcers. Of course I denied it all, why would I tell the truth, its in my nature to be stubborn and not wanna change. Sometimes I think I enjoy the mere fact of over analyzing and beating myself up over things that are not really things that I should concern myself w/.
After this school year, hell I probably wont even see any of them ever again.
…no sweat off my back!

Tuesday, February 12, 2002

this is from yesterday...

ok, so I had my first "chat" today and it was….ok I guess. it was just like
chatting w/ people that I already know. I only talked to michelle and matt.
they seemed ok. the first person that I talked to was matt and one of the
first things he said to me was…oh we've been waiting too hear from you, (or
something on those lines). this made me feel a lil left out, everyone has
talked and had these funny stories to share already, but this ended fast and
we soon began to talk about random crap and get to know each other a lil